Flesh Eating Plants - How to Grow Your Own Triffid

When I saw a packet for growing 'Flesh Eating Plants', I was there! My very own triffids! The pack tried to talk them up, giving them names like scary ghost and bodysnatcher. These are actually pitcher plants (Sarracenia leucophylla) and sundews (Drosera capensis), insect eating plants. The third plant included was the Venus flytrap (Dionaea muscipula), which didn't get an extra scary name. Maybe they're scary enough already.

This post is stage one of my carnivorous empire - setting up the seeds.

Reviewing the Kit

The kit is produced by Vesutor. It comes with a small propagator, three packets of seeds and a bag of sphagnum/silver sand compost. Despite the funny names for the plants, the kit is pretty good on giving the correct advice. They warn aspiring triffid farmers to use acidic water.

Always Follow Instructions

I followed the instructions to the letter, apart from the bits where I didn't. It seemed weird to make watering holes in the bottom of the tray after the seedlings were growing. I did it before I started. I also didn't put the pitcher plant seeds in the fridge for four weeks... they were in there for one. It's the sundews I'm after, so I'll take the chance that the pitchers won't grow.

Stage One of World Domination Complete

They're planted and ready to go! I have a bottle of rainwater ready. I hear these grow as slowly as the publishing industry moves. So it'll probably be weeks till I know if anything's going to happen. If they do, I'll post some baby triffid photos to aww at. I wonder when they'll start slaughtering flies with their little acid digesters? I'll be a proud triffid farmer that day.

Weird Tales with Spam (Contest)

Weird Tales is having a flash fiction contest, to write a story inspired by spam email (cue the singing Vikings). The details are here and the deadline is early August. So get spamming!

I'm thinking of entering. It's a toss up between taking an average spam title and interpreting in a totally silly way, or taking a silly title and interpreting it in a totally silly way. They don't say it has to be silly, but I can't take spam seriously...

Anything named after a Monty Python sketch is not to be taken seriously.

Writing My Way: Why I Hate Lines

The thing I hated at school was doing lines. This makes it sound like I was a young tearaway, rebelling against the school dogma with my free spiritedness. But I wasn't. I didn't get cool lines, like Bart Simpson*. I got lines like this one: 55555555555555555.

My problem? I was dyslexic. The teachers were convinced that if I wrote out the correct spelling or letter direction enough times, it would magically sink in.

The trouble is, dyslexia is all about different wiring. In a non-dyslexic's brain, the red wire might connect to the blue wire. But in my brain, all the wires are purple and pink and they connect through these little spangly brass things. My wiring wasn't set up to learn from writing things down. It didn't work the first time. It wasn't going to work after two thousand times. All lines did was demoralise me. It made me feel stupid, because everyone said repetition should work and it didn't.

So what have lines got to do with writing stories? I was surprised when I joined online writing communities, at the number of people** looking for the one true method of writing. It's one thing to ask if other people outline. It's another to angst that you're doing it wrong, because you found out real novelists outline. Only to spend a fruitless six months trying to write an outline and find it isn't working. This usually seems to happen because some famous author or other said this was the one true way.

This is the point where people have to gently remind the way searcher that we're all individuals. What works best for one doesn't work for another.

There's not much that can be done about the followers of the way. They're determined there's one path to success and they're not going to listen to the likes of me over someone famous. They need to write their lines to realise they should do things their way. But that doesn't stop me looking at them and thinking: You can do all the lines you want... I've been there, done that, and the t-shirt better not have any lines on it.

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* What did Bart Simpson*** write anyway? Here's a handy list of his lines. One of my favourites is "Goldfish Don't Bounce".

** I'm not implying it's the majority of people. If it were, us survivors would be huddled in the shelter looking for ways to keep the zombie horde out. I'm sure most people know better. But there are far more people looking for the one true way than I ever imagined. Is it the pressure caused by rejection? Is it the pixies? We might never know.

*** Some My Little Pony trivia... Nancy Cartwright (the voice of Bart Simpson) was also Gusty in the My Little Pony cartoon. At one point, Gusty complains "My horn itches". She sounds so much like Bart when she's complaining.

**** If you're paying attention, you'd realise this is a floating footnote. If you're not, this is the time to fess up to not noticing in the comments. Though this blog post uses writing lines to mean something that doesn't work, I don't want line supporters to get the wrong idea. I've had friends who write lines as a form of exam revision. But for me, they don't work, and this post is from my perspective... add in whatever learning method doesn't work for you, and you'll get the idea. Just don't kill me for dissing your lines.

Return from Eden

As I stepped out of the visitor centre and looked across Eden, I heard the gentle murmur...

"It isn't as big as I thought it'd be," said Lady One.
"The domes look tiny. I thought they were football field size," her companion agreed.

Depth perception. Some people have it and some people don't.

Eden is a very science fictiony place. If I ever write a story about tropical rainforests in biodomes, I have the pictures. There's something nifty about putting a jungle in a giant dome.

It was amazing I survived really. Me and heat aren't the best of friends. Not only did I survive, but so did my camera. I had to keep mopping the mist off the lens. I have lots of pictures of bananas. I need a blog topic mentioning bananas, just so I can use my banana photos. Some are not-yet-bananas and some are pickably green. Now that I think about it, I could compare most of the story writing process to bananas. Endless possibilities.

Moving on, you could tell most people weren't reading the signs. They had a Mimosa plant... one of those that moves when you touch it. Next to the plant was a sign saying it'd move if you touched it. You'd expect that to encourage people to poke it, but no. They wandered past in a daze. Maybe they needed a big 'Do Not Touch' sign by it. That works every time*.

There were many flowers, in both the domes (they have a dry climates one too) and the outside gardens. Overall, I took about 600 pictures (though I'll decide most of them aren't good enough to show anyone).

I had fun. And I ate a Cornish Brie sandwich for lunch**. Yay!

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* Like the science museum in London, which does have a 'Do Not Touch' sign on one exhibit. If you do, it gives you an electric shock. I touched the electric shock thing, knowing it gave an electric shock, just to see what it felt like. Curiosity is a dangerous thing.

** I'd like to think the humour of that statement is self evident, but I'm aware some cheese haters probably read this blog. I'll forgive you for that, probably. Brie is a French cheese. Cornwall is most definitely not French. Now any cheese haters can pretend to know about cheese with the best of them.

Journey to Eden. Also, Bob

Rather than disappear without a trace, like my last trip, this is prior warning.

I'm going to Eden.

I heard about the Eden Project when it was still in the planning phases. I was teenaged at the time, though I'm not sure exactly how old. It wasn't a surprise that I wanted to see it. This was the person with 50+ houseplants (I have far fewer now, but at the time I slept in a jungle).

But now, I'm going to see it. Yay! I'll be back on Sunday to approve/answer comments (and a few hours more after I post this).

Should you get bored, I have a poll up on the Blogger version of the blog (in the sidebar on the left). Come vote on the important question of 'what is Bob?'. I'm not sure what I'll do with the results. Certainly, they'll be discussion fodder. I might even write a story about Bob. But it's a question that needs answering.

Cross-Gender Appeal: Lessons from My Little Pony

Gender appeal in children's books is one of those issues that keeps cropping up. Male readership drops more than female readership after picture books. One of the big things that gets pointed to is a lack of 'male interest' stories*. Agents and publishers are desperate for these stories for the younger age ranges.

And this is where My Little Pony comes in. My Little Pony was marketed at girls. The adverts showed girls, the marketing called the fans girls and any boy who admitted to owning one would face teasing. But was it only girls who liked My Little Pony? I'm often approached by guys who start a conversation with "My sister had a pony with blue hair" and end at "I had a pony with leaves on the side". After realising I won't laugh, the stories come out.

The cartoon series also had a high male viewership, despite being focused around female characters.

So what's up? Why would a boy who'll sit and watch pink horses smiting evil not read a book with a female main character? What did My Little Pony do right? It was fun. It had magic and adventure. Those things aren't assigned to one gender stereotype.

The books I was given at school weren't fun. They were written by education professionals and designed to teach me things. Where was the story? A second issue was the type of storyline. I was a girl who liked adventure in my stories. But they wouldn't give a child a book with violence and peril. The good books, the ones they used to teach kids to read in the past, had been hidden on a dusty shelf in the school library. Those books had pirates, riding broomsticks and fighting evil.

Perhaps it's just that, on average, girls are more resistant to this dull as a rusty nail phase. If I'm right, it would mean the solution is much easier than trying to fill bookstores with 'male interest' books. It's about letting children read what they want to read, whatever that book may be. The educational thing about reading as a child is the act of reading itself. It doesn't matter if it's a Spiderman comic. Trying to throw in mathematics and grammar lessons makes reading boring.

That's not to say parents can't help out with this. The thing that got me through the terrible reading choices was my home reading. I had lots of interesting books to read at home. I knew things could be better. But for a child where there aren't books at home, school might be the only introduction to reading they'll get. Bob's educational tale of how to add up numbers is not a good introduction.

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* Though there are fewer 'male' stories, that doesn't mean there aren't any. A current favourite of mine is 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' (Jeff Kinney), a middle-grade comedy told from the point of view of a young boy. It's also available online.

Prince Caspian Film

I watched it today. Yay! And this post will have some spoilers, but it's not especially spoilery.

I enjoyed it, though I'm generally less critical of book adaptations than most people. I don't expect completely faithful adaptations. If you do and you're a fan of the book, you'll probably hate it. Some things were added and changed. The main book themes were touch on, but not in the depth they are in the book.

There were some well choreographed sequences in this film, including the opening scene. Plus, the fluffy gryphons are back! I remember seeing them in the trailer for the first film and going 'fluffy gryphons!!!!!'

I thought the decision to Spanishise the Telmarines worked well. It gave them a distinctive look and feel. The actor chosen to be Caspian (Ben Barnes) was good, which is happy early sign for the next film.

It seems some parents weren't aware this would be somewhat scarier than the first film. There were some young kids in the audience who were a bit upset by it. I'm not surprised though. There are always some parents who don't do their research. The deaths in the battles are more obvious in this one. There isn't blood everywhere or anything like that, but it is swords through the gut rather than being turned into a statue by magic.

Next up is 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader', but I admit I'm counting the films till 'The Horse and His Boy'. It's my favourite of the series and has never been adapted for TV or cinema (to my knowledge). So let's hope for continued success with the adaptations... I want my talking horses.

Short Storyist Diary: Contracts and Titles

I'll start with the good news and end with the aimless rambling.

Good News

The good news is the story I wrote in March is on its way. I've signed a contract and stuff (yay!). I didn't need to buy the doughnuts, because my mum brought me a doughnut. It had a smiley face and sprinkles (also yay). Back on subject, that means 'Forever Flowerless' will be appearing in Coyote Wild at some point. I'll do a separate post when it does. Yay!!!!

Based on previous feedback, people want to know about acceptances, even if I'm convinced it won't happen because the magazine's head office will be cast into another dimension before it gets published. Don't let it be said that I don't listen. I've also had a drabble accepted by Flashshot. They email out a drabble a day to their subscribers. I don't know when mine'll go forth on its journey, but I should appear on the publication schedule at some point. It's called 'The Price of a Soul'. This story was written during the March FAD.

Which means I've put up the start of a bibliography on my site. I'm going to be optimistic that I'll find other things to fill it with in time.

Aimless Ramble

This diary entry's aimless ramble is on choosing titles. My pictures all have very basic titles, as do my stories when I'm working on them. Most are one word.

I quickly came to realise this wouldn't work. When I'm browsing stories online, I don't have time to read them all. I read the ones with interesting titles. It's hard to make one word interesting, unless it's an unusual word. I would click on a story called 'Sporocarp' or 'Wiggle'. Not so much 'Time', 'Alone' or Love'.

I've taken to choosing a phrase from the story, where possible. In a way, that still makes the title very basic as I'm not coming up with anything new. But at least it makes them a bit more memorable and interesting.

I hope.

What sort of titles catch your eye? Bizarre single words, odd phrases, awesome alliterations?

Link Love

New places I submitted to are...

Weird Tales - A semi-pro magazine with a long history of printing weird tales. It's all in the name.

Kaleidotrope - A small print magazine for speculative fiction. I have to copy/paste their name every time. I'm not too proud to admit it.

Camping and Animals

I wasn't here because I was camping. Did you miss me? My pets didn't. The fish did the poor starving fish routine, which they do whether they've been fed or not. 'Full up' is an alien concept to fish.

The cockroach twitched an antenna.

I wasn't missed.

The campsite had animals too. The funniest were the chickens... or one of the chickens. The first day, the smallest of the chickens came up to glare at us. The next day, it did the same thing again. That was when I noticed the wattles and comb. Yep, he was a cockerel.

I think he had a bit of an inferiority complex, being half the size of all the hens. He tried to look big, but the hens knew better. Poor little guy. He was having trouble walking through the grass because his legs were so short.

Yay for being back though!